


Good enough

by Veraverorum (your_Mother)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Balin/Dori subplot, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Nwalin Week 2017, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, a starfish that hides his feelings, illegal starfish, like decades, mention of homicide, mention of prostitution, poor siblings relationship, salty starfish, selfdestructive tendencies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-11-03 21:04:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10975296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_Mother/pseuds/Veraverorum
Summary: Nori knew he did not conform to dwarfen society standards, then he met Dwalin.No he didn't change.





	1. Opposites attract

**Author's Note:**

> Tags and rating may change as I add chapters.  
> Please enjoy

There was a certain thing about being a proper dwarf that did never sit well with Nori.  
  
What that thing was though, not even Nori knew, exactly.

He'd had ideas about what that actually could be. Mahal knows that Nori had tried to change and act accordingly to the rules, but no matter what, he seemed to do something wrong each and every fucking time... to the point he gave up.

He was a thief and a poacher and a beggar and a scoundrel… an opportunist at best and a damned soul at worst.

It was okay for him. It didn't matter. It wasn't up to others proper dwarves to live his life.

Nori travelled and debased himself for survival with a smile on his face, sharp as the blade of a knife.  
  
He had fun, he had to admit that. Going against the morals he was taught as a dwarfling was exhilarating, galvanizing to the point it excited him. He wanted more, he wanted danger and every wrong thing he could ever want like he had never wanted anything else in his life. Not the hunger, nor the need to care for others. It was pure selfish greed.  
  
He travelled and got to know the world, the different people inhabiting it and their costumes. Morality changed so much from place to place that really it seemed useless to Nori to have one to stop him… It was just a bunch of rules that existed to ruin the fun.  
  
He was probably the most amoral one among his people, and that was why Nori almost never returned home.  
  
What a laugh to call _that_ home. It was only a dump in the Blue Mountains where his mother had raised him and his brother, in a human settlement far away from her birthplace. Nori actually was not even sure where he was born. Or who his sire was. It didn't bother him, as he did understand his mother. Necessity makes strange bedfellows, indeed.  
  
It was rare for Nori to show up at his Mother’s door to visit. He preferred to avoid it, and he was pretty sure that his older brother shared the feeling. In the end, Nori was just a stain in the family's already strained reputation. Some noble dick dipped in the wrong ‘dam a few generations back, and now his entire line was tainted. Then again, Nori too was a fatherless thief and some fault of his ancestors couldn't change his situation much.  
  
Whenever he returned there, he was lucky if it was his mother answering the door. Dori would slam it on his face instead. What an amiable brother.  
  
This time, it was his mother who answered the door. Seeing her, a feeling close to affection bloomed in Nori, but as soon as his eyes fell down from her face, the greeting he was about to make died on his lips. That was a… big belly, obviously pregnant, and one that was rather close to delivery, if Nori had ever seen one.  
  
“Oh!” was the only sound he managed, not raising his eyes from the bewildering sight.  
  
“Nice to see you back once again,” his mother’s voice sounded tired. Partly because of her old age, partly due to her resignation at the return of her vagrant child, but neither thing appeased Nori at all.  
  
Other people who had not seen one another in a while would have stepped inside to hug and make up for the lost time, but that was not how things worked for Nori. He remained on the door and his mother in front of him, blocking the way. “Has business been that bad?”  
  
“ _Now_ you worry...”, even if she was shorter than him, his mother had still an imposing bearing. That immense, full belly only made her more terrifying in that aspect. Her figure demanded respect instead of radiating the happiness and serenity usually linked to pregnancy. Nori had left them time and time again and she and Dori had to do what they had to do to survive. He was almost surprised a new sibling had never happened before then.  
  
With a sigh, the dwarrowdam moved out of the way to let her son inside and he didn't hesitate a second to put his boot, dirty with the soil of faraway lands, into the house where he had grown up.  
  
Maybe it was some leftover guilt, something Nori forgot he could feel, that made him stay more than just a few days in the same shack where his mother raised him. Dori was not pleased, not at all, but at their mother’s remark he had ceased his tirades, like the good obedient puppy he was. After that, he only barked behind her back.  
  
A bunch of days become a dozen and then the baby came.  
  
They were small, with ruby cheeks and a ginger mop, truly their mother's child. So small, too small for a newborn, probably. Their mother was even more tired than before and Dori spent his time taking care of her and precious Ori - as that became the baby’s name- when he wasn't cornering Nori to give him a piece of his mind.  
  
Viciousness ran deep in their blood, it seemed. As much as Nori could be a crook, so Dori could be a resentful despot. By sharing a roof with him again Nori remembered the first time he’d run away from home, as if it was yesterday. It was a nice memory, but the bruises he’d returned home with were a bit less so. But he got used to the whole cycle very quickly and frequently: disappear, do something bad, pay the consequences, return.  
  
Nori could swear that spending so much time with his mother and Dori was rubbing off on him. Look at him going and having a proper sense of good and wrong again. A dwarven sense of what was supposed to be positive and negative, of familial ties and all sorts of unnerving stuff like that.  
  
Captured in the flow of domesticity, Nori spent his few savings taking care of his mother and siblings, providing for them as he had never felt the urge to do so before, but now there was someone so tiny and defenceless like Ori. Someone who could turn out different from Dori and from him.  
  
He bought food and the few amenities that very really necessary to their small family, feeling out of place walking through the little market of Ered Luin and actually buying the merchandise instead of shoplifting it. His arms weren't full of supplies yet Nori was having for once the chance to stroll through the stalls at his own leisure, basking in the sun shining on his face, more relaxed than he had been in a long while.  
  
There were smells coming from the stands that belonged only to Ered Luin, and voices and words too. It was like discovering the town all over again, with the kind of freedom to see it under a different light that he had never had before, the chance to see it as something beautiful and new, and fall in love with it.  
  
It might have been that strange mood that made Nori pliable to the turn of fate that was about to happen.  
  
Arriving at the next stall that offered what Nori was in need for he noticed a dwarfling with hair of spun gold that could have been the envy of many jewel makers. The kid was pleading, almost on the verge of crying, while pulling on the hand of an adult close by. An extremely big hand in comparison with the dwarfling's one, runes decorating it in the fashion of a warrior. Nori, who up until that moment had kept his gaze low and busy with the stands' goods and the display of the child, had to raise his head to check out who that hand belonged to.  
  
If the hand had been noteworthy before, the dwarf attached to it was even more so. He... was gigantic. Massive. He was projecting a shadow that could cover even Nori, with a mohawk that added even more height to it. In addition, the hand wasn't the only part of the dwarf that was tattooed. Lines painted in an exquisite dwarfish style signalled that the bearer was a noble.  
  
A warrior and a noble of a huge size. Nori almost felt his body temperature rise, bothered by the sight of what he considered his ideal partner for a rough passionate romp in some not advisable spot.  
  
Smiling, Nori put away the idea for the next time he could find a moment to enjoy himself alone and checked instead the wares on the table in front of him.  
  
In the end it would have been an uneventful moment in Nori's day if the dwarfling had stopped complaining. Instead the kid wanted to return home, the right foot hurt too much to walk on it and there was a baby brother waiting, couldn't mister Dwalin hear his wails for them to return home? The whole charade made Nori chuckle to himself in good humour while he observed the merchandise, but after some grumbled chiding from mister Dwalin that fell on deaf ears the dwarf picked up the dwarfling like he was a treasure, raising him to sit on the ample shoulder. Nori's gaze got captured by the hand again and by its gentle gesture.  
  
That was different from the sort of thug Nori used to screw with. Very different. Unexpected? Astonishing even?  
  
Nori had to acknowledge that up to that day his standards had been very low on the personality side.  
  
Mister Dwalin and his golden load retreated to someplace unknown, probably to where Nori presumed the little sibling was waiting for them.  
  
With no one of importance looking at him Nori turned around, teeth nibbling on his lower lip and eyes engaged on the noble dwarf's massive back retreating. A warrior, a noble and a caring dwarf. The opposite of Nori and whatever he had ever desired for.  
  
In that moment, Nori realized he was royally fucked.

 


	2. Emeralds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nori doesn't give up and gives in. The actual meeting finally happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, all my love and gratitude to my beta, lacertae-dreamscape

After the first sighting at the market, Nori had been keen on searching for broad shoulders and a tall mohawk wherever there was a crowd. He wanted to spot mister Dwalin again.  
  
He was curious about the dwarf, but surely he wouldn't go and fish at his brother as source for information.  
  
Fancying somebody was not a good enough reason to give Dori something to taunt him with.  
Fancying... Nori was trying to keep this interest down to just physical infatuation, getting off with the memory of darker skin painted with tattoos. He pictured a hand larger than his own around his cock, firm yet gentle, way more than he’d ever allowed anyone else, or even himself, to be.  
  
Another private moment for Nori to spend at his leisure and he had come in his palm, panting hard yet unsatisfied by his own fantasy. It wasn't enough, yet he couldn't afford anything else.  
  
Lust was something he was used to deal with. Batting eyelashes here and puckered lips there and it was easy to mesh together mouths and teeth and skin and other parts with whoever he desired at the moment. It came natural. But feelings... Those were _scary_ and Nori wasn't equipped to deal with them. His whole emotional life was a mess and he preferred to leave it buried like the treasure of Erebor.  
  
He barely had the strength to admit that he cared for his mother and little Ori. After a few pints of ale he might even begrudgingly admit that Dori was also someone he cared about. But the thought of letting another dwarf in his life, somebody who would be more of a lover than an occasional bed warmer, that was a deeply unsettling feeling for Nori. It made shivers run cold down his back. Letting someone in who could tear down the walls he had so meticulously built, someone who would be able to take away his independence… it was scary.  
  
Nori was good at taking care of himself, even great at that. He didn't need anybody else.  
Yet he craved it. The delicate gesture of a stranger picking up a dwarfling had awoken some terrible beast in Nori's guts. The need to be comforted and caressed tenderly, to kiss just as gently. Something less than burning each other out quickly and something more like consuming a soul slowly, getting to find protection into it.  
That's was how Nori knew he was fucked.  
  
He didn't know anything about the dwarf beside the fact that his name was Dwalin and that he had noble origins and tattoos that spoke about battles. He was definitely out of Nori's league. What was the dwarfling to him? A son? A family member? A protégé?  
  
Nori had so many questions but he had also a burning need for answers, and nobody could stop him.  
  
Going to the market was Nori's first option to meet the dwarf again, but it seemed that Dwalin wasn't big on frequenting the place. It still left Nori with plenty of time to snoop around about both the mysterious dwarf and the merchants' inattention. Unfortunately for Nori's family, his finances were dwindling every day by buying food and whatever was needed for a newborn baby. Nori's own infant clothes had been re-purposed many years ago so it sort of got to Ori's advantage. The few things that the baby possessed were brand new.  
  
Still, their family needed money and besides Dori's odd jobs there was no stable source of income. Nori wasn't against offering his skills for the good of the family but their mother had scowled at him, her disappointment clear enough without speaking up. He thought the subject would be dropped then but afterwards Dori cornered him in their tiny hallway to give him a piece of his mind. Pleasant as always.  
  
What did it matter to them if Nori's honour got stained in the process of feeding them? They still needed to put something in their bellies to survive, and apparently Nori was the only one who had the guts to do something about it.  
  
With that in mind, one ear out for the chit-chat and one eye on the sellers, Nori walked down the market street, empty hands and purse even emptier.  
  
He walked for a while, and found a merchant with a face friendly enough so he chatted them up. Nori hadn't been in Ered Luin for years so there was lots of gossip that he needed to catch up to. If in the meantime the seller got distracted by his pretty face and cheeky tongue and his fingers nabbed some wares leaving the merchant with less goods to sell and none the wiser, then that was too bad. For them.  
  
At the end of the day Nori returned home with something to fill everyone's stomach, even if the disappointment in his mother's eyes stung at something in him. It didn't matter though. They could eat.  
  
If Nori was extremely lucky he also got news about his mystery dwarf.  
He already knew that his name was Dwalin but sometimes there were new pieces to add to the picture. Indeed he was a noble, a cadet of the line of Durin none the less. He fought bravely at Azanulbizar and now served as a guard and Nori could imagine all the scars that he hid under his clothes and how pretty they would look underneath Nori's fingers mapping them out, feeling the ridge of the deepest ones until the next sexual fantasy exploded in another orgasm.  
  
He had no children. The dwarfling with the golden hair was a prince, next in line or something. Info on the kid didn't really pick Nori's attention though. He was focused only on Dwalin. The part where the dwarf had no children was interesting. Not that it changed things for Nori in the end.  
  
Sometimes he had to be honest with himself and acknowledge that he had no chance of picking the interest of somebody like Dwalin. He hardly had the chance to get close to him! Nori needed to cut the chase and find a solution, so he could stop the sadness from eating him at night, after he laid down on his makeshift cot Dori and him had fashioned him with old rags. Most nights he could only sigh and turn in the other direction, giving a cold shoulder to his broken hopes.  
  
It took Nori almost two weeks of that routine to come up with a plan. The simplest and easiest thing that he could have thought of, actually. It would jeopardize his wonderfully bad reputation of thief but it would be so worth it. Nori just needed to get arrested.  
  
The next day he was ready to realize one of his mother's worst nightmares. He wore his best dress, that sadly wasn't something worth a second glance so frayed at the edges and faded as it was, and brushed his hair with utmost care until it was shining and did it up in a fancy updo, something memorable for such a special moment.  
  
When he exited the house both Dori and their mother looked at him, surprise and curiosity written all over their faces but didn't try to stop him by asking questions, too accustomed to Nori's routine of disappearing and returning with some food of dubious origins. Or maybe they did, but Nori was too taken by his own daydreaming, foretasting his own downfall, to notice them.  
  
He walked proudly to the market, chest puffed out and smile contagious. None of his usual chat partners realized his true intentions.  
  
Nori chose a pottery stall to put his plan into action. Usually he would have encouraged the seller to participate in a conversation to distract them, but it wasn't any other day. Without saying a word Nori picked up a saucer and locking gaze with the merchant, he slide the plate into his front pocket, not deep enough to swallow it completely so half of it was visibly showing.  
  
It was exhilarating, Nori barely resisted laughing maniacally at the situation as the vendor woke up from the astonishment of his action and screamed at top of their lungs for the guards patrolling the market “THIEF! THIEF!”  
  
Two armed men arrived immediately and Nori pouted at the unfairness. That part wasn't going according to his plan. They took him in for a few hours, to a human tower prison, before he was surrendered to the dwarven guard, who brought him to their quarter's jail.  
  
Even there though, there was no trace of Dwalin. Nori's frown was reaching the floor. Not only had he destroyed his own career but the dwarf he had done it for wasn't even there. For a brief moment he acknowledged he had done something silly, the piercing guilt for causing grief once more to his mother, but it got quickly overridden by frustration.  
  
Worrying his lower lip between his teeth, Nori watched the lights gradually change hues until the sun set, and the air in the cell turned cold.  
  
His mother probably was worrying herself sick at home, little Ori crying in her arms due to an empty tummy and Dori sweeping the floor in a frenzy to hide apprehension. Or maybe not, maybe they were just happy to be once again rid of him, who had walked out of the threshold one day to disappear forever. A mouth less to feed and a troublemaker out of the picture. They could return to be a happy, poor family.  
  
The sound of somebody knocking on the door of the prison building rose Nori out of his over-thinking. The change of the guards! There was still hope for his plan to not be a miserable failure.  
  
As if on cue, Dwalin and another dwarf entered the room, greeting their fellows with boisterous pats on the armoured back that resonated like lead bells.  
  
Suddenly it was all nice and fine for Nori. Finally he was in the same place as Dwalin again, even if there was an intruder not accounted for. Nori had just to hope that the other dwarf would have a reason to leave them alone, sooner or later.  
  
In the meantime he stayed quite and put. Sitting almost immobile on the floor of his cell, Nori thought up ways to start a conversation with Dwalin, trying to avoid the idea of having fucked up immensely by checking out the jail's perimeter. If he had to be honest though, he had been fucking shit up since he had memory, so doing the same this time wouldn’t be such a big deal.  
  
There was constant chattering between the two guards. It couldn't be said that they knew what discretion was. After some hours of patrolling the room, the other guard announced that they needed to take a shat but it sounded like a fat purse of gold coins to Nori's ears.  
  
As soon as they were alone, Nori rose from the floor and moved closer to the bars.  
“Have you got something for me to drink?”  
  
It seemed that Dwalin hadn't actually realized that there was a prisoner in the cell, as he looked at Nori and did a double take before taking a tin cup from the table close to the wall and filling it with water from a basin.  
  
Without muttering a word he handed it to Nori, but he kept watching Nori as he thanked him and gulped down the beverage. At least it was fresh, and not stale water like Nori had feared.  
  
He sighed in pleasure empting the cup. With a refreshed mouth it was easier to assume an alluring tone. “See something you like, guard?”  
  
Dwalin shook, eyes still not leaving Nori's face, “I think I've seen you before.”  
  
What a deep voice, perfect for such an imposing dwarf! Nori smiled in delight.  
  
“Might be. I'm from around here,” his tongue swiftly passed on his lower lip to wet it for the sole purpose to harness the guard's gaze and focus it on some very pretty feature of Nori's face.  
  
It seemed to work. Dwalin was ensnared by the show off, like he was really looking at Nori and not at yet another prisoner. “You seem like a new face though. Never been in this prison...”  
  
“There's a first time for everything. This time was a saucer, next time will be an emerald,” moving his hand like he was talking about everyday matters, Nori was trying to lighten the mood, to move the talk to something more interesting for him. It was important for Nori that Dwalin was showing interest in him to the point of remembering his face and where they had met before, but prison was not a great subject for flirting, he believed.  
  
“An emerald? Do you plan to steal that next, thief?!” there was outrage in Dwalin's words, but none so in his voice, like he found the whole concept ridiculous. He ended up muttering about the guts of some dwarves that presumed to leave jail so soon.  
  
“Yeah, I like to plan in advance. Someone one day might ketch me and pluck out one of my eyes. Better have a spare in case.” maybe Nori was actually a failure all around, he was certain of it now. He could laugh it off as much as he wanted, but flirting with somebody he was actually interested in was a new thing for him and he didn't know how to do it properly.  
  
Oddly enough Dwalin found Nori's prospects for the future funny, because his story ripped a chuckle from him. What he said next took Nori by surprise though. “Your eyes are not green.”  
  
So… Dwalin was really looking at Nori. He was _interes_ _ted_ in him. An unknown joy erupted in Nori, boosting his confidence to levels that had not been that high in a long while. From there on, Nori knew how to act.  
  
“You're too far away... Come closer and see for yourself...” Nori was aware of his own cheekiness. That was one of the few good qualities he thought he had and Mahal, he knew how to use it.  
  
Whatever retort was about to leave Dwalin's mouth got trampled on by the return of the other guard.  
  
For what remained of the night, Dwalin and Nori kept exchanging glances. Curious and a bit clumsy ones from Dwalin, while Nori had the biggest smirk plastered on his face. The other guard didn't seem to notice the electric atmosphere in the room, or either they chose not to comment on it.  
  
With the dawn approaching the guards changed shift again and Nori had begrudgingly to see Dwalin turning his back once again on him and go away.  
  
By the time the sun rose, Nori, too, was gone from the prison.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From thursday I'll be on vacation and far away from my pc, so I'm not sure I'll manage to keep up with the posting schedule with my phone. At worst it's a rain check for next week, 'cause I'm having too much fun writing this fic XD


	3. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin is obsessed by the thief tha flirted with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I'm almost 2 weeks late. OOPS.
> 
> Serious talk, there's Dwalin suffering from PTSD in this chapter and one moment might be a bit gruesome. I think I've tagged accordingly but id I'm missing something please let me know.
> 
> Have fun!

The register of the prisoners had been sitting there untouched for 2 months before Dwalin gave in.  
  
Its presence had taunted the guard daily whenever he entered the prison building, filled with the names of the prisoners that had visited the jail of Ered Luin in the last 10 years. Dwalin had debated with himself for a long time on how it would be unethical to open the book and check on a specific date –the day the red-head dwarf had been captured and held in that same prison– to learn his name. He also wondered why he needed to know it.  
  
What would happen once Dwalin knew his name? Did he really want to hunt him down? Was it due to his sense of justice and honour that he wanted to do that? Just to bring back someone who had done less jail time than he had been sentenced to… or was it for more personal reasons? Dwalin was more inclined to believe it was due to the latter, and it displeased him.  
  
Dwalin was a grown-up by now. He did not fear being honest with himself, even if it was about things like desire, and lust.  
  
He didn't exactly understand how, or why, he wasn't exactly bright like that, but the thief had flirted with him. If his partner for that night’s shift, Gurran, had not returned so soon from the toilet break, Dwalin was sure the thief would have started to be far more provocative and open in his flirting. He knew the type, more or less.  
  
Dwarves who didn't abide to the rules, who saw everything as a game to win no matter what. Gambling with their life and with others. On that matter… Dwalin was not sure if the thief had attempted to play around with him for his own reasons, to get out of prison sooner, maybe, or if he had been attracted to the risk brought by seducing a guard. Maybe both, who knew. Certainly not Dwalin. But Mahal damn him, he would have been far too eager to participate in the debauchery those lush lips had promised him.  
  
Dwalin had spied the thief nibble on them while he was held prisoner. He worried on them all the stress he’d probably felt while in jail, and Dwalin had been captivated by the sight of those sharp teeth against the red of the thief’s lips.  
  
It was like the thief had awoken something in Dwalin, flames that burned his loins with desire.  
  
After that night, Dwalin had spent some of his spare coin to visit brothels without guilt, picking partners with hair as red as fire and sly eyes, even if those were not dark from a distance and emerald when looking at them closely. Not everyone could be as beautiful and seductive as that dwarf had been, Dwalin had to concede, but he could indulge in something as close to his fantasy as he could find.  
  
Furthermore, it wasn't like Dwalin was most dwarves' type. Almost nobody's type if he had to be honest. That's why he had been so surprised by the thief's approach. Dwalin was too tall for starters, almost like a small human, but that wasn't the worst he had to offer. There were more hidden faults that made him unpalatable for proper courtship. He had battle nightmares that managed to chase away any dream he might have had about settling down, even if he had a notable ancestry that could have been enough to guarantee for him, and scars all over his body to prove his valour.  
  
There was always the fear of falling asleep while cuddling next to a spouse, only to wake up to see he’d slit their throat with a knife during his sleep, due to one of his nightmares about relieving the attack on Erebor or some other battle. He could still feel the blood of friends and family drip down his fingers, vital red mixed with the black death of orcs' blood. Best to not risk another dwarf's life, even if it meant for Dwalin to remain alone. That was what he had decided, many years before. He would endure.  
  
Dwalin did what he had to keep his newborn hunger at bay, spending himself with other bodies while the thief wasn't available, yet he was always on the front of Dwalin's mind, taunting him with his elusive presence, the knowledge that his name was hidden within the pages of a book that Dwalin, on principle alone, refused to open.  
  
It wasn't such a big deal, in his opinion, to spend money for prostitutes. They were still dwarves who escaped from the destruction of Erebor and suffered its consequences. Whatever disappeared from Dwalin's payroll returned to their community, helping someone else who was more in need.  
  
Yet, after 2 months of doubts and struggles with himself, 2 months of paying stranger bodies to relieve his desires, Dwalin finally gave in.  
  
The first moment he was left alone at the guard station after accepting his defeat, he opened the old book, its thin pages eaten by silverfish at the sides a heavy weight between his fingers, and searched for the date his ginger thief got arrested.  
  
The date was burnt in Dwalin's memory, so it wasn't difficult for him to find the exact page. Scrolling through the names, he spotted it easily. It was the only one he had never seen, the other belonging to regulars of Ered Luin's jails.  
  
The name was Nori. Dwalin rolled it around his tongue three or four times, not wanting to forget it, like the taste of embers ready to burst into flames once again.  
  
It was like going on a little treasure hunt, from then on. Finding general information about a dwarf's background was easy when one was in the Guard and for the moment that was all Dwalin needed.  
  
This Nori was the illegitimate child of a seamstress survivor of Erebor. The family was small, just the mother and two other children, one extremely young, living in poverty in a small house in the slums of Ered Luin. It must have been hard for them in those conditions.  
  
Dwalin felt a sliver of understanding for Nori's illegal acts, but still didn't justify them. Many others had suffered and struggled after losing everything in the greatest tragedy that had afflicted their community and yet still managed to get by with their honour intact. Dwalin had seen the same irreverence that possessed Nori in many other survivors after Erebor, desperate and reckless to the point that it hurt to look at them but still remained upstanding.  
  
Nori though was used to committing crimes and disappear for long periods of time from what Dwalin had gathered questioning the ones that lived in the same neighbourhood.  
  
Dwalin didn't bother getting there in incognito. Let Nori know that the guard was searching for him. Maybe he would show up and carry on with his lascivious approach.  
  
But Nori didn't. It was like the thief had completely disappeared from the face of Arda. He wasn't home, he didn't return there and he didn't get captured again by the guards of Ered Luin, nor of those in the cities close by. Not in the Iron Hills either, nor Bree.  
  
The first months after discovering Nori's name were full of despair for Dwalin.  
  
He had denied himself that kind of intimacy for so long that the moment somebody, one really pleasant at that, had showed a bit of interest in him, it was like a red flower had bloomed in the depths of his soul only to burn it to feed itself. The idea of getting to hold the happiness he had always felt was avoiding him all along made him nervous, and the idea of trying to grasp it and end up empty handed turned anxiety in something else entirely.  
  
Irritated by the absence of something that he barely had had the time to taste, Dwalin acted like a wild beast in a cage. He hardly spoke, more prone to grunts and glares as his means of expression. There was a forceful jerk in his movements every time, hands that tried to reach for something somewhere else and had to be reined in instead, and feet that wanted to go elsewhere, seeking a different path. The abortive motions that scared away everyone not brave enough in fear of being burned by his inner turmoil.  
  
It was Fili and Kili looking at him from afar, not daring to get close to him when he had previously been one of the heroes of their bedtime stories, what made Dwalin realize how deeply he had been consumed by Nori's absence, waking up from a lust–induced stupor that had lasted too long.  
  
The dwarflings, Dis' children, had been the family biggest treasure since the moment she had announced that she had been pregnant and Dwalin had felt so grateful for their existence. Taking care of them and helping in their rearing had been a pleasure more than a duty. Also because he was already teaching them the basics of fighting and it was fun seeing them trying to balance their big baby heads when doing certain movements and mostly failing at it. Yet Dwalin supported them both through their errors, correcting their stances and encouraging them with few words. He was a stern instructor but he deeply cared for them, accepting their tiny hugs with open arms.  
  
Seeing their guarded expressions around him had hurt, making him realize how focused he had been on the idea of Nori, of what they could have become.  
  
It was almost like Dwalin had been _obsessed_ by it, his mind fogged to the world around him, too wrapped up in the search of the missing dwarf.  
  
Shame took him at that realization, followed by disgust at himself. It wasn't good what he had done, what he had permitted himself to become.  
  
With a different kind of sorrow in his heart, for something he had never held yet was already lost, Dwalin promised himself to never fall again for a silver tongue and smart eyes. He had decided long ago that he would live his life without a partner.  
  
Again, he would endure.  
  


 

 

 


	4. Misty Mountains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has issues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay. Life happens too much sometimes.  
> Minor Dori/Balin in this chapter, sue me.  
> Also beware, minor character death mentioned.

Even with a strengthened resolve not to fall again, there were things that Dwalin still could not ignore.  
  
He wished he had the power and the resources to take care and help every dwarf family in Ered Luin but realistically, he couldn't and it hurt. There were too many mouths to feed and too many devastating stories to listen for one single dwarf. Even if the dwarf was not alone. Dwalin was sure that Thorin worked even harder than him to support and guide the whole community of refugees.  
  
Now though Dwalin was aware there were a mother and two children, one very very young, living in a small derelict hovel in a poor neighbourhood and them at least he _could_ help. If he couldn't save every single dwarf in need, he could make amend by supporting that small family as well as his own for the simple reason that if things had been different, maybe Nori wouldn't have taken so many bad decisions.  
  
Slowly, not to alert the small family that something was actually happening and to not let them feel subject of somebody else's pity, Dwalin worked to adjust their situation. Suddenly there was a stable job for Dori, one that granted him enough of a pay to fill 3 stomach and some nice extra from time to time. All it took was for Dwalin to suggest his name to the owner of that tea shop Balin loved to frequent, that had been searching for a new employee, and recommend him personally, even if they had never spoke with one another. Also some coin in the pockets of the chatterboxes of the slum to let Dori know that the position was open for the taking, but Dwalin had felt no remorse in parting with those.  
  
It came as a very pleasant surprise when Dori turned out to be the perfect dwarf for the job. He was diligent in mixing the leaves and respecting the steeping time, satisfying even the most picky patrons. As a plus, Dori was an amiable conversationalist on top of being a curvaceous beauty and it certainly helped bringing in the clients. Speaking of which, Dwalin had heard enough of Balin singing praises of his qualities to believe there was something more brewing underneath than simple appreciation for the tea house attendant and his skills.  
  
Time after time, months and years passing, Dwalin saw his brother taking a pleasant companionship in Dori that mostly revolved around fine tea and clever thoughts. What to expect from that family if not silver tongues, whatever their intent might be?  
  
Even though on one hand he was happy for his brother and the unpredicted development, Dwalin felt a pang of envy for how easily Balin could deal with interacting with someone who was supposed to be something more than a friend.  
  
Balin had always been the brightest one between the two of them though, as everyone in their family remarked and Dwalin had never questioned if his brother had the same demons gnawing at the edges of his mind as well, having to put up a stoic façade to leave other at ease, to not worry them.  
  
In addiction Dwalin had never seen his brother trying to actively make a family of his own and he found himself envious of everything that was happening to his sibling. Even if he knew he shouldn't feeling anything but happiness for him. There was a slight resentment for being so free with his feelings, as much as a noble could be. Even in exile.  
  
It wasn't like Dwalin had anybody on his mind with whom he would start a family for himself though.  
  
It was a lie.  
  
Dwalin knew perfectly that a thief had stole more than a dish that many years ago. He wasn't sure he would actually build something lasting with Nori, if given the chance, but he didn't mind fantasizing about it. There had been already so many sexual whims about Nori in Dwalin's mind that conceiving there could be something behind those daydreams didn't sound so debasing. If only Nori were there in Ered Luin. If only Nori weren't a criminal. If only Dwalin didn't have those nightmares. There were lots of ifs that Dwalin wished to forget to pursue his heart's desire. And his brave dwarf. One should recognize that Nori had been brave in his life choices, or reckless. Sometimes the two were the same.  
  
So life went on.  
  
Dwalin kept trying to help other dwarves in the community while serving as a guard and training Dis' sons, dreaming of Nori and living vicariously through their brothers. Sometimes he thought he saw a peculiar red hairdo in the crow, but chalked it up to his own lonely imagination.  
  
Dori served tea and batted his eyelashes at Balin, Ori grew and their mother was finally able to be lenient with herself.  
  
When the dwarfling turned the right age for it, Dwalin suggested to his brother to take an apprentice for his scribe duties. Somebody young and full of energy, curios. Didn't Dori have a little brother that was perfect for the role? With a complacent smile, Balin had accepted Dwalin's proposition. It didn't take him long to breech the idea to Dori too, and he too was enthusiastic at the proposition. That would grant little Ori more chances at a better life, no shame on his name. Respect. Soon Ori became a regular, bright presence in their home and also a quick friend to the the two little princes, to everyone's surprise.  
  
Dwalin's chest swelled with pride for himself when he saw his scheme had actually worked, feeling smart for once in his life.  
  
Mahal that felt good.  
  


* * *

  
For how much Nori had been proud that his jeopardizing plan had been a success in the end, he had absolutely no idea about how to proceed from there on. What was he supposed to do? How should one approach a possible love interest?  
  
Painfully aware that he sucked at that, Nori took his sweet time staying away. It wasn't like he had cold feet. He really just didn't know how to interact in a way that showed that he appreciated somebody on a different level than a one night stand.  
  
It had been easy with all his other partners, same minded people who wanted a quick release and no string attached...  
  
But how was he supposed to talk to a dwarf who had such gentle hands? Dwalin was a fallen noble but still a noble, and Nori wasn't good enough for the likes of him.  
  
Nori was a bastard and a criminal with nothing to offer if not a warm bed. He wasn't a poet nor a craft master. What was he supposed to tell the guard? 50 different ways of setting down a game trap didn't sound such an interesting subject with which entertain somebody one was interested in.  
  
So Nori had kept away for a little while, trying to find some redeeming quality in himself that could catch Dwalin's interest for more than a tumble in the hay of the prison.  
  
Though the little while became a _long_ while and Nori kept doing what he always did to survive, but with a small nagging voice inside of him who kept judging and dissecting each one of his actions to call it bad, wrong. That awfully sounded like a conscience in his opinion, or Dori, and Nori was doing so good without one up till that point that he almost regretted meeting the dwarf who prompted such a change in him. Awareness stung like a bitch.  
  
Heartache too.  
  
Nori had met the dwarf for such very few brief moments in the great scheme of things that it seemed absurd even to him that he could be affected so deeply by a stranger. And he was sure that most of it had to be his own brain's work. He must have been projecting too much on an unknown dwarf to make him perfect in his mind, even if from what he had seen first hand Dwalin was really a decent dwarf. In his mind Nori had been picking the traits he preferred and added them to his fantasy of Dwalin, the one whose memory he used to masturbate to, but also the one he daydreamed about taking a stroll in a forest with, or even just about kissing his knuckles.  
  
Maybe Dwalin wasn't even into holding hands if not to appease a dwarfling!  
  
That was an extremely scary thought for Nori. What if he returned to Ered Luin and actually faced Dwalin and the guard demonstrated to be like all the others?  
  
But what if... he _wasn't_?  
  
Good dwarves really existed somewhere, probably, and not good only in name. All those doubts just made Nori get a stomach ache the more he allowed his mind create and feed them, wrecking his nerves on the what ifs.  
  
To avoid all the aches, from stomach to heart, Nori remained away as much as he could.  
  
Sometimes he still returned to check on his family like he had done in the past, though. Dori had found himself a proper job, their mother was finally able to relax a bit now that they had a stable income, and little Ori was growing in the most splendid dwarfling Nori had ever seen.  
  
They were doing just fine, without Nori.  
  
He wasn't that surprised, he had been useless to them all his life if not an authentic thorn in the side, so seeing his family finally managing to do more than scrapping around for survival didn't leave such a bitter after taste in his mouth. He still couldn't bring himself to have a true smile, but he was working on that.  
  
When he stopped by, he made sure to have some exotic knick knack to captivate little Ori's interest, and some extra fabric for his mother. Dori didn't deserve anything, he was an arsehole, had his own job and a beau, so he could provide for himself whatever he wanted.  
  
At first Nori had laughed when he heard that some poor soul was courting Dori. He didn't understand how somebody in Mahal's furry chest could have such bad taste but oh well, it seemed that that somebody existed. Though when Dori said his name, Nori missed a beat of his heart. It sounded too similar to the one of his guard and he felt cold shivers running down his back in foreboding. When the kinship was confirmed as Nori feared, he felt like running away as far as possible if not for the fact that his feet were frozen to the floor, made unresponsive by shock.  
  
The second after, he wanted to laugh at how cruelly Mahal was playing with him. He couldn't have the dwarf he wanted, but Dori had his brother as a suitor.  
  
It took Nori the whole evening to shake off the numbness of the news, and by that time everyone else had already gone to sleep. Even if he had some bones to pick with Dori, Nori knew this wasn't one of those. He couldn't fault his brother for searching his happiness and finding it in the brother of the dwarf Nori was sort of crushing on. It still wasn't fair, yet Nori should have been used to that brand of unfairness, by now.  
  
Silently, as if he were on one of his jobs, Nori slid out of the house. He walked around the settlement of Ered Luin, with nowhere specific to go. The only people around were the ones out for drinks and whores, but Nori didn't feel like partaking in any of that at the moment. He wanted to clear his mind, trying to put in order all his scrambled thoughts, the sting of resentment that he felt having no place in the humble shack with better garnish that his family lived in.  
  
The streets were disorganized, the night heavy and cold against Nori's face and without noticing he had reached the dwarven garrison. It would have been comic if Nori were somebody else, but sadly he wasn't.  
  
The reality of the situation hit him stronger than the breeze –he was standing in front of the prisons.  
  
Dwalin could be _there_.  
  
Quickly Nori went to hide behind the closest building before he had something more to regret. If Dwalin were to see him... Suddenly the realization that maybe Dwalin didn't even remember Nori hit him. It had been so many years, and only for a night where they barely talked. It wouldn't be too far-fetched. Defeated and listless, Nori returned home.  
  
The day after, he had disappeared again.  
  
So life went on.  
  
Nori travelled across the globe, doing what he did best to survive and breaking all known rules. From time to time he returned home, bringing spices and trinkets for his mother and foreign books and pretty feathers for Ori who had started an apprenticeship as a scribe. Sometimes there was a small something for Dori too, begrudgingly gifted while exchanging expletives. Even more rarely, Nori went out of his way to check on Dwalin. Only from afar and for few seconds, enough to see how beautiful and perfect he was and to not be recognized, or _not_ recognized, in the middle of the crowd, so not to destroy Nori's fantasies. It was enough for Nori's heart.  
  


* * *

  
Years passed even if Nori couldn't tell much the difference if not for Ori growing in a young dwarf with ridiculous ginger braids and Dori's hair filling even more with silver. Somewhere in between their mother had passed away peacefully in her sleep, for no particular reason other than that Mahal had seen fit for her time to come. She got granted in her last rest all the honours her children could afford and a bit more.  
  
Dori and Ori remained the sole inhabitants of the house while Nori returned each time more tired and with a bitter edge in his voice. He rested there for a few day and left again for Mahal knows where.  
  
It was by pure chance that Nori was at home when the news that would change everyone's life arrived, brought by Balin himself. He had officially requested the presence of both Dori and Nori as Ori's elder brothers and caretakers of a minor. Nori had never met him before and observed intensely his face while he talked and captivated both Dori and Ori, trying to find traces of Dwalin in the older dwarf's features. There was a vague resemblance in the intensity of the brow, if Nori had to admit it, but Balin definitely wasn't his type, starting from the fact that he was too old to the point that Dori would murder him in cold blood if only he tried one of his tricks on the wrong brother.  
  
Too caught up in his mulling, Nori hadn't given too much attention to what Balin was saying. Asking? It was something about permission for Ori to do something...  
  
“...far away, passing by the Misty Mountains..”  
  
“The Misty Mountains are not so far away if one has a good steed and a one track mind...” Nori was interjecting with his personal experience, but Dori was already giving him a dirty look.  
  
“You were saying?” when Dori spoke to Balin, every trace of menace had disappeared from him to let space for the well mannered Dori that everyone loved.  
  
With a smile printed on his face, Balin kept talking “well, the final destination of the travel is Erebor. It's a more than unique learning experience, and Ori wouldn't be alone. Beside my brother and I, there would be Thorin...”  
  
Nori had zooned out again after hearing the word _brother_... Dwalin would take part in the endeavour! Even if Nori had not listened enough to understand what it actually was, now he was quivering with the desire to go. Dwalin was on it and he wouldn't be a guard and maybe...  
  
“I'm coming too”, it escaped Nori's lips before he realized it but he had no regret. Evidently though he had said it in a whisper because the other three looked dubious at him.  
  
“What was it, again?” Balin asked for clarification.  
  
This time Nori spoke with a higher voice, sure of what he was saying and selling his skills like the experienced negotiator he was “I'm coming too. I know how to ride and travel long distances and how to get fresh food out in the wild. Plus you need somebody to babysit little Ori...”  
  
Ori pouted at the last remark, cheeks still round with the chubbiness of childhood, but Balin had a pleased smirk at having found another member for the rickety mission they were organizing “perfect, I will have a contract prepared for you too by two days from now.”  
  
It was Nori's turn to smile smugly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday to me~
> 
> Thank you for reading! Kudos and comments make authors happy.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos make authors happy <3


End file.
